Who’s actually looking for gourmet body paint? Sure, regular body paint — that makes sense, but there’s actually somebody out there saying, “No, the plain stuff is too low-class. I need it to be gourmet.”?

While Cupid makes sure his quiver is filled up in anticipation of Feb. 14, others are stocking up with less pointy gifts: chocolates, flowers, lingere and — hey, why not? — gourmet body paint.

Not because they want to, but because they must.

Banner ads (like the one for body paint seen on Salon) clog the Internet, gourously glittering diamonds sparkle from the television screen and choclotiers, vinters and chandlers tout their wares in a succession of newspaper and magazine spots.

The consumer culture has taken over the celebration, turning what should be a chance to express the most heartfelt of emotions into a shower of schlock.

Valentine’s Day is wonderful in theory, providing a day in which the fullest expression of love can be shown. In practice, though, the day of love is like New Year’s Eve, the Superbowl and Backstreet Boys concerts: a whole lot of hype, a huge amount of excitement — and a slightly icky feeling afterwards when things don’t live up to expectations.

And it’s not like they ever do.

By making Valentine’s Day a relationship barometer, the sense of joy and lightness that marks any true celebration of love is sucked out of the occasion.

Valentine’s Day has become a relationship chore. Like Pschye lighting her candle to get a look at Cupid, lovers push too hard at Valentine’s Day, looking for too much information. The holiday becomes a relationship barometer, with every action plumbed for meaning, every gesture scored and rated, every nuance replayed over lunch the next day.

True joy comes in spontanity — the flowers delivered to the office out of nowhere, the note tucked in her purse to let her know you’re thinking of her, the dinner at a favorite restaurant “just because.” When they focus on the day, Valentine’s celebrants will, at best,

Doing something nice on Valentine’s Day doesn’t show you care. It just shows that you’re bright enough to pay attention to a month’s worth of advertising.