I didn’t really mind having my Hotmail (or HoTMaiL, as they were known before selling out to the minions of Microsoft) account shut down for a couple days after exceeding the memory limits. Heck, I only use the thing as a spam catcher, it being my email account of choice when I sign in at sites that I never want to hear from but require an address.

But spam is one thing. Four hundred messages telling me “Your diploma is ready” is really going overboard …

It’s not like the messages — which filled up six pages in my junk mail folder — were even good advertising:

Obtain a prosperous future, money earning power, and the admiration of all.

Yeah, a fake diploma is going to earn me the “admiration of all.” I don’t think my real degrees have done that. And I didn’t realize it was quite common, during salary negotiations, to have an employer say, “hey, you have a degree from a school I’ve never heard of. Let me give you lots more money.”

Diplomas from prestigious non-accredited universities based on your present knowledge and life experience.

Ah, they’re prestigious non-accredited universities. As far as fake schools go, these are the top of heap.

No required tests, classes, books, or interviews.

I’m glad they made that clear. I was worried that I’d have to do some of that thar book-learnin’ or maybe take a test based on my life experience and present knowledge. Hey, that’d be fun: It’d just be one question: What do you know now? I’m sure some people would still fail.

Bachelors, masters, MBA, and doctorate (PhD) diplomas available in the field of your choice.

I wonder how far you could go with that “field of your choice.” I want an MBA in stapling. Hey, it’s a business skill!

I haven’t gotten a diploma message in a few days; maybe the bounces that occured after they shut down my account got me off their list. Of course, my inbox is still filling up with junk mail: several offers for something that lets me burn DVDs — hardly useful since I don’t have a DVD player; a variety of ads targeted at stupid people, who obviously open anything with a “re:” in the subject line (hey, I don’t remember writing to xlybg@hotmail — but I must have, since it says it’s a reply …); and porno ads that make me really wonder about the mental health of the country. Pregnant and horny? Farm animals? Britney Spears vidoes? I don’t know which is scarier …