Weekly news round-up - a regular feature spotlighting things you would have read if you hadn’t been captivated by my love of vegetables: The U.N is at the heart of global decision making? Eh, sorry … just having an Americo-centric moment … ****
European countries on Monday applauded a decision by Switzerland to join the United Nations after 57 years on the sidelines … “This historic decision puts one of Europe’s oldest democracies where she belongs — at the heart of global decision-making,” British Foreign Secretary Jack Straw said.
Superman will be weakened and suffer irreparably if a hair company is allowed to keep marketing a green hair gel called Kryptonite, the superhero’s creator claims.
First, that’s an awesome lede. Second, does it matter that Krypton is a real element? Third, it’d be cool if they came out with red Kryptonite gel: “I used this new gel, and look — now I have an ant head! and grew a third arm! Nifty!”
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A determined cow that hurdled a six-foot fence to escape from a Cincinnati slaughterhouse and eluded police for 11 days will be allowed to live out the rest of her natural life. The 1,200-pound Charolais was an hour from death when she bolted from a barn at Ken Meyer Meats, bowling over workers leaving for a break.
See, this is where kryptonite could come in handy. What, you’re telling me that’s a normal cow?
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Some people live in New York … perhaps only for the mysteriously pleasurable sight of a stranger on the morning subway or the evening bus slithering into an empty seat or getting a good grip on a pole and then deeply resuming his or her paperback of “The Counterlife” or “Glitz” or “The Vampire Lestat” or “The Idiot” or “All the Pretty Horses” or “A Journal of the Plague Year,” or, most likely of all, a book you’ve never heard of.
Oh, c’mon … you’re saying that the people on the subway are actually readingthose books? I’ve always figured that anybody with an on-so-serious tome on public transportation is just showing off. They really have have a comic book or something stashed inside.