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Friday, September 22
Ernie is dead! (Shouting 'Long live the Ernie" sounds like it should come next, but that wouldn't make any sense ...)
While working in Florida, I adopted a small blue beta fish, a friendly little creature who sat on my desk, helping me wile away the long hours between actually doing work. The fish -- who, for some reason, I named in honor of Hemingway -- was always there to suggest possible angles on stories or let me know who he thought should be interviewed for a particular piece.
When I left the Daytona Beach News-Journal, I left Ernie behind, figuring his inspirational presence would help the office in my absence. I failed to think of the impact my leavetaking would have on the little guy.
Earlier this week, Ernie obviously realized I wasn't coming back for him and committed suicide -- possibly by drowning himself. (Actually, I haven't totally ruled out foul play. Some of the people who work there ...) It must have been hard on him, the dawning realization that he was all alone in the world, with no one paying attention to his cries for help.
First the squirrel and now the fish. Even without dwelling on the Hamster Tragedy, I should probably start avoiding animals.
posted at 5:43 PM by Timothy J. Gibbons | link
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This had to be shared:
JARRATT, Va. (AP) — Three monkeys hurled bananas and crab apples at cars on Interstate 95, then fled into the woods, police said.
Police believe the monkeys escaped while being taken to the state fair in Richmond or a circus in North Carolina.
State Trooper Mike Scott was flagged down Sunday by a driver who had pulled over near Jarratt. "When I walked up to the car, it looked like a banana had been smeared on the side," Scott said.
The woman told him a monkey had thrown the fruit about a mile back.
"I started laughing," Scott said. But he drove to the scene of the attack and found a van and a station wagon on the side of the highway.
"A man said, `I know this sounds crazy, but a monkey threw an apple at our car,"' Scott said.
Just then, something hit the van.
"Lo and behold there were three brown monkeys in an oak tree throwing crab apples," Scott said.
The primates jumped down, ran across the highway and escaped into more trees.
posted at 12:48 AM by Timothy J. Gibbons | link
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Thursday, September 21
I even use soap, I promise!
posted at 4:27 PM by Timothy J. Gibbons | link
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Note to self: In the future, avoid stories that involve walking the streets of Queens and asking black people if they're actually from Africa.
posted at 8:26 AM by Timothy J. Gibbons | link
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Monday, September 18
C is for cookie; that's good enough for me. C is for cookie; that's good enough for me. Cookie, cookie, cookie starts with C.
Thanks, Melanie.
posted at 6:44 PM by Timothy J. Gibbons | link
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I just talked a squirrel into committing suicide.
It was, I swear, totally accidental, the result of living in a city that has afforded me more contact with crazy people. There's the guy in the park next door, who spends the day wandering around the grass while carrying on totally lucid conversations with trees. And there's the older gent who converses with birds as he tromps down the street -- true dialogues that the birds apparently engage in as well.
While watching two squirrels chittering at each other yesterday, I decided to try talking with the wildlife myself.
So, a little while ago, I'm sitting on a park bench overlooking a grassy area some 10 feet below. On a tree before me sits a squirrel, minding his own business and taking in the sunset. I strike up a conversation.
After a few moments of back-and-forth chittering, the animal paused, uttered something in squirrel speak and raced to the leafy boughs some 30 feet up. Then, with scarcely a pause, he threw himself into space, hurtling to the ground far below.
I wish I knew what I had said to the poor creature that caused him such pain. And I wish I knew what his final words meant -- a final message he thought I would deliver to his family? A vile curse? A farewell?
Poor creature, lured to his death though misunderstanding. How will I live with the guilt?
posted at 1:03 AM by Timothy J. Gibbons | link
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